On what I want…and what I don’t.

I’m starting to feel like Scarlett Johanson in Vicky Christina Barcelona, and, no, I don’t mean sexually confused or bohemian. I mean that I know what I don’t want, but am still at a loss of what I do want. And I should tell you that I really didn’t like her character in the movie; in fact, she pissed me off quite a bit. So what now? Beats me.

I’m unavoidably going back to an earlier post about desires and expectations…but the 2.0 version of that. We find ourselves right after we’ve taken the pill, we’ve woken up and we’re trying to find the best way to kill those damn machines that are making us live in fear and in this ‘other’ that is dark and gloomy and desolate. But imagine planning your escape with limited ammo and no allies! Essentially you’re screwed, right? Well, it depends.

Knowing what you don’t want is always a good place to start, because in the scheme of things, the things you would be happy with are really very few; the catch is they’re the hardest ones to get, otherwise you would have had them already. (And yes, there’s always a catch!) So how do you proceed? First things first. You need a strategy, and darn good one at that. But most importantly, you need a realistic strategy, something plausible, something you can actually achieve (the amount of hard work required is irrelevant, as long as the goal is concrete). What you’re probably thinking about is ‘yes, everything looks pretty in theory,’ and you’re right. Everything does. It’s the transition to reality that’s shockingly difficult. But we’ll get there.

So you’ve designed your strategy. Let’s assume that all goes according to plan, what then? Are you satisfied? Can you see yourself going through all of these steps just to get there? What will you have to give up? Is it worth it? I may as well stop you now or you’ll have an anxiety attack. There’s no possible way of answering these questions. Too many parameters involved.

So what do we do? Just sit around, wishing for things to happen à la deus ex machina? No, that is possibly the worst thing you can do. You have to keep trying. I realize I keep saying ‘you’ but what I’m really doing is talking to myself (trying to convince the ever eluding ‘I’). But going back to the wants. Sometimes you have to try different things in order to truly determine whether this was something you really wanted or just something that you thought you did, because most things look much more charming from a distance, especially when they don’t belong to us (hence the saying: the grass is greener on the other side). So you taste, and you slowly begin to cross out the undesired elements and what you’re ultimately left with is… what? Hopefully you’ll be left with what you really want to keep, but, most of the time, you end up with more questions about the leftovers. Are you tired yet? I am.

So I’ll stop here because, obviously, I don’t have an answer for this (once again). But I remain hopeful, and I’ll keep trying.    

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