Some things you think you cannot change, and others you simply refuse to. The lies we tell ourselves we also tell others. Whether they see through them depends on how much they actually care to do so. These lies sometimes reflect who we are, but most of the time they reveal who we do not want to be. The extent to which we are willing to lie, speaks both of our love for the person in question and our own selfishness.
As it always happens, when you keep thinking about something specific, you begin observing it and ultimately seeing it everywhere you turn. Several things I’ve read recently come to mind so I’m going to quote a few as I go along. The first and most basic, I guess, is “if you always tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything,” which means that you don’t have to keep track of your lies.
Another thing I saw and which, I must admit, hurt a little, was (and I’m paraphrasing here) that it’s better to make someone sad by telling them the truth instead of making them smile with a lie. I’ve told lies to that effect, as I’m sure everyone has. But I’m not talking about the little white lies we tell in order to be polite; I’m talking about lies (and the truth behind it) that actually matter. The kind of lies that not only hurt you when you blatantly spew them out, but that could possibly wound, or even tear the other person apart, if or when they find out. Excuses can be found everywhere, and some are even legitimate, but that is all they are. Excuses.
I read a blog post the other day whose theme was ‘love vs trust’ and how they differ to the point where they can be mutually exclusive. In his effort to differentiate the two and explain how they work and what they mean to him personally, the blogger stated that while love can be a one-way feeling and does not necessitate reciprocation, trust is always something that is shared, not in the sense that it must be or is mutual, but that it is earned and so another party is always involved in the process. As soon as I read it I knew it was true. For me at least. And if you’ve ever really trusted someone, you know it too.
So what happens when this trust is broken but the love remains? Either the love begins to fade, or you begin the slow and painful road back to forgiveness (and hopefully ‘forgetness’) and the reconstruction of what you had. Some may say there is no such road, while others will claim that that trust was simply an illusion; never really there to begin with. Yet I do not share this sentiment, and it doesn’t have to do with seeing the glass half full or half empty. This is and should not be a war between optimists and pessimists. (I’m neither by the way; I’m a cynic.) As much as we’d like to be concrete about certain things, believing this to be a sign of a firm and unwavering personality, such things are never either black or white. Yet their grey hues have nothing to do with shedding blame or demanding forgiveness simply because you made a mistake. It doesn’t even have to do with the aforementioned legitimate excuses. Although this may sound way too simplistic, for me it has to do with whether you would take it back, if you could. Honestly. Without a second thought. Knowing full well what the truth will bring.
Well, would you?