It was a good day today. Nothing happened. It was neutral, but in a good way. It was uneventful but not stagnant. I don’t want this year to be neutral, though. Neutrality is a state that unsettles me. I find it fake. Things are never really that abstract. It is either our blindness or our ignorance that makes them appear as such.
It’s funny how we attribute so much importance to the moment midnight signals a leap into a new year; as if something changes, as if we’ve entered a new dimension. We love to compartmentalise things. We thrive on separating and fragmenting time in periods, and labelling events as if time is not linear but stops and then begins again on human demand. We like to control everything and neatly place unfathomable concepts in tiny little boxes of convenience that somehow make them approachable.
I don’t particularly like the number ‘8’; that, too, is kinda neutral. Vanilla is my favourite smell, but in my mouth and in my nostrils is where the love ends. Why have we attached such negative connotations to something so beautiful and delectable? We’ve even gone as far as classifying the most boring sex as vanilla. Breaks my heart.
But where was I? Oh, yes, the fact that achromatic things make me cringe and put me on edge.
We live on contradictions and oxymorons we have created ourselves. ‘Seize the day,’ we boldly exclaim, and then glorify our routine. How are you different from last night? Have you made any changes in the way you live, function and make decisions? Oh no, I’m sorry, I forgot. It’s not you that will change. It’s the year itself that is responsible for bringing on the new shit. Right. That, or others. Never you. God forbid.
We blame time for everything and yet celebrate its passing in birthdays, anniversaries and new years. Yay, you’re still alive! Eat some cake, blow some candles, buy a memory-related gift and drink yourself into forgetting the last 365 you drank to 365 days ago.
How do you feel? Neutral? Good. At least it’s not bad, right? Numb has turned into a luxury sensation. It has replaced happiness, because it’s better than many other things but not bad enough to alarm or upset you. We need you numb.
As you were.